Women are lonelier than ever. It's putting their health at riskKBy Kellie ScottABC LifestyleTopic:Women's Health22m ago22 minutes agoWed 7 May 2025 at 4:09amLoneliness often comes about when people are undergoing shifts in identity, experts say. (Pexels)abc.net.au/news/combating-loneliness-during-identity-shifts/105177772Link copiedShareShare articleSandy recently celebrated her 50th birthday with a glass of champagne, alone."It was very hard not to be upset," says Sandy, from Brisbane/Meanjin, who asked we don't use her real name."[I was] also feeling embarrassed and that sense of shame that I'm 50 and I'm at a bar by myself."Sandy's husband had accepted an opportunity to work overseas during the week of her birthday."Besides my son at home and my son who called me from overseas, no-one really said anything [and] I didn't feel I could ring anyone."I spent the morning with my dog and my cat."Despite a picture-perfect marriage from the outside, Sandy says she feels lonelier than ever.And the research shows many women feel the same way, with one in three Australians saying they often feel lonely.ABC podcast Ladies, We Need to Talk, considers why, in a hyper-connected world of group chats, and being only a few swipes away from a hook-up, we are lonelier than ever.I live alone, here's what I do to feel less lonelyPhoto shows A young woman with dark hair stands behind a succulent house plant in a home with pictures on the wall.Living alone was great until the loneliness kicked in, writes Eleanor Burnard.Loneliness linked to shifts in identityAustralia's loneliest demographics are those aged 18 to 24, and 45 to 54."In Australia, we're predominantly a Western culture, which is quite an individualistic culture and that's pretty terrible for loneliness," says Bella Ingram, a clinical psychologist at the University of Wollongong.Dr Ingram says loneliness often comes about when people are undergoing shifts in identity through life transitions.For Sandy, that's her kids growing up."I'm at a point now where the boys don't need me very much … I'm sitting here going, what do I do now?"Sign up to the ABC Lifestyle newsletterGet a mid-week boost and receive easy recipes, wellbeing ideas, and home and garden tips in your inbox every Wednesday. You’ll also receive a monthly newsletter of our best recipes.Your information is being handled in accordance with the ABC Privacy Collection Statement.Email addressSubscribeWhether it's navigating a career, divorce, perimenopause, illness or empty nesting, there are many life transitions where women may experience loneliness, says Dr Ingram."A woman who's sort of trying to navigate a career path, for example, and also trying to navigate parenthood, and perhaps [being] a carer for elderly parents as well — there's a lot of roles in there."Trying to figure out where there's time and space left for social relationships, that often falls by the wayside."Bella Ingram says loneliness has a mortality risk comparable with smoking and "worse than obesity". (Supplied)She says women may be asking themselves, "How am I going to progress?" or "What's next for me?""These questions can really play into our sense of identity, which then can then play into, 'Do I belong?'"Quality not quantity of relationshipsAs her boys have grown older, Sandy has noticed a growing distance with her husband."He's not someone that shows emotion or will give you a hug, and sometimes I just crave that."She also finds making deeper connections outside of her family, such as close friendships, difficult."At times I can't figure out why, because I do think I'm pretty easygoing. I'm easy to get along with. I am so social, but for whatever reason, it just hasn't happened."Listen to the episodeYumi Stynes speaks to women who might look like they've got it made from the outside but feel like it's a party for one on the inside.Dr Ingram says even when people are surrounded by others, it's the quality of relationships that reduces loneliness, not quantity."Having shared values, not just kind of hobbies, but actually really being able to connect with someone and walk away from that connection and be like, 'That's my person'."'How come I don't have that?'While social media can provide connection, for many, it can also be a comparison trap, exacerbating someone's feelings of loneliness, says Dr Ingram."[That] accessibility of information can be really difficult when it comes to loneliness because … you see something and think, 'How come I don't have that? What am I doing wrong?'"That resonates with Katrina (not her real name), who says being at a different life stage to her peers contributes to her loneliness.The 35-year-old from Sydney/Gadigal Country says most of her friends are married with children, while she is childless and single."It's one of the loneliest [times] … in my whole life."The complex label of 'childless not by choice'Photo shows Unidentified woman with blonde hair sitting on couch with a Jack Russell Terrier. She wears jeans and her cut is out of frame.While childlessness devastates some, not every person who once wanted kids feels crushed when that doesn't eventuate.She says weekends often "end in a cry" when she's home alone with her dogs, while her friends are busy with their families.And even when she does get time with them, she's reminded of what she doesn't have, but wants."I feel incredibly lonely, even when I'm out with them and they don't have their kids."Katrina says while it's not always smooth sailing with relationships, she would like a partner to share her life with."Even though I know it might not be great, or they might disappoint the crap out of me, I just want to try it again."I was in a relationship when I was in my early 20s and then it ended and I've not had a connection with someone like that for a long time, and … I would like that again."Have you ever felt lonely? What helped, if anything? We'd be honoured to hear from you: lifestyle@abc.net.auLoneliness and our healthLoneliness is a health issue with a mortality risk comparable with smoking and "worse than obesity", says Dr Ingram."We know that people who are lonely tend to experience poorer physical and mental health."Also, it's the people that might also have existing mental health conditions or existing physical health conditions that are more likely to experience loneliness."Dr Ingram says loneliness increases our risk of cardiovascular disease."When we're lonely, we might be more likely to drink alcohol. We might be more likely to binge eat, to comfort ourselves. And all of these kind of behavioural risk factors … are also really big contributors to heart disease."Loneliness and its connection to alcohol consumption is one reason it's a health risk. (Pexels)A big part of Dr Ingram's research is around women's drinking and loneliness. She says women are increasingly one of the highest consumers of alcohol in Australia — particularly middle-aged women."These are also the women that are reporting feeling more and more lonely."Dr Ingram says women report using alcohol to "fill a void", which then becomes a habit.If you or anyone you know needs help:Lifeline on 13 11 14Beyond Blue on 1300 224 636MensLine Australia on 1300 789 978Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467Kids Helpline on 1800 551 800Headspace on 1800 650 890QLife on 1800 184 527ReachOut AustraliaOne person can't meet all our needsMaking connections can be hard and takes "self-compassion and bravery", says Dr Ingram."It's about persistence, too. Navigating knockbacks can be really tricky — that's a really big barrier to being able to connect with other people."Personally, Dr Ingram gives herself permission not to have a big social network, but a quality one."I'm going to have different needs met in different places. So I have some needs met with my work relationships."With my husband, I have a lot of needs met. But he's not interested in talking politics with me, that's for friends."Then I walk away from those interactions feeling full, feeling valued, feeling recognised, and competent."Katrina is trying to combat her loneliness by enrolling in a course she's interested in, taking boxing classes, and going on dates.Sandy is committing to being more honest about her loneliness, and hopes other women can too."We don't acknowledge that there is loneliness in the world, and there's loneliness within marriages, and that it's OK to feel that way."Posted 22m ago22 minutes agoWed 7 May 2025 at 4:09amShare optionsCopy linkFacebookX (formerly Twitter)If you need someone to talk to, call:Lifeline on 13 11 14Kids Helpline on 1800 551 800MensLine Australia on 1300 789 978Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467Beyond Blue on 1300 22 46 36Headspace on 1800 650 890QLife on 1800 184 527Top StoriesPakistan's prime minister vows India's attacks will 'not go unpunished'LIVEPhoto shows A man rides his motorbike through rubble in the darkLiberal leadership race narrows to two likely contenders, Ley and Taylor Topic:Liberal Party of AustraliaPhoto shows Angus Taylor Sussan LeyPeter Dutton lands in Canberra as Coalition MPs divide on nuclear policyLIVEPhoto shows Peter Dutton walks through an airport with microphones and cameras surrounding him.ASIC takes action against Macquarie for 'significant' failuresTopic:Business and Industry RegulationPhoto shows Macquarie Group headquarters, SydneyA feedback loop tanked Dutton's campaign in its final weekAAnalysis by Annabel CrabbPhoto shows Clive Palmer NPCRelated stories After running clubs exploded, Ash started a walking clubTopic:FriendshipPhoto shows A woman with blonde hair wears a white cap and shirt and rests her chin on her hand, looking off camera in a park, smiling.'I just never met the right person': The many reasons for being childless not by choiceTopic:WomenPhoto shows Unidentified woman with blonde hair sitting on couch with a Jack Russell Terrier. 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