Mother's Day when you're struggling with infertilityKBy Kellie ScottABC LifestyleTopic:Fertility and Infertility34m ago34 minutes agoFri 9 May 2025 at 1:57amRomney Hamilton says her infertility grief feels unseen on Mother's Day. (Supplied)abc.net.au/news/mothers-day-when-you-re-struggling-with-infertility/105233238Link copiedShareShare articleJust weeks before Mother's Day last year, Alisha Waters and her husband were told they would be unlikely to conceive children."[Our fertility specialist] diagnosed me with endometriosis and said that was impacting my fertility, and that my husband's sperm was essentially useless," the 33-year-old from Melbourne/Naarm recalls.She says Mother's Day was a particularly tough time."I worked that day, and there were a lot of people at work celebrating Mother's Day."One woman wished me a happy Mother's Day. I said, 'Thanks, but I don't have any kids', and she said 'Well, happy Mother's Day for the future'."It was really hard to hear a month after I found out I was never going to have kids."There are many reasons people may find Mother's Day difficult, including child loss, the death of a parent, or strained relationships.People experiencing infertility may find themselves torn between grief and wanting to celebrate the mums in their life. (Unsplash)Fertility reproductive counsellor Narelle Dickinson says the celebration can also be triggering for people who have experienced infertility or are trying for a baby."For a day or a month which celebrates motherhood so obviously and publicly, it can feel like a real marker of a dream that hasn't been achieved," says Ms Dickinson, based in Brisbane/Meanjin."It can feel almost like a personal attack."Support for infertility and childlessnessWorld Childless Week (for counsellors, therapists and support networks) COPE (for connections to specialist support) 1300 740 398PANDA (for expecting, new and growing families) 1300 726 306Lifeline on 13 11 14Beyond Blue on 1300 224 636Red Nose Grief and Loss 24/7 Support Line on 1300 308 307Bears of Hope (infant loss support for families) on 1300 114 673'Invisible grief'The "invisible grief" of infertility means it's easily overlooked around Mother's Day, says Ms Dickinson."There is so much media marketing around Mother's Day; you can't go to the shops without seeing signage everywhere."Having to go to the family do, and watch everyone else do all the lovely Mother's Day things, when they are unable to have that same celebration — it feels extremely painful."Nicole Highet is the CEO and founder of COPE (the Centre of Perinatal Excellence) and says childlessness and infertility can be a "very isolating experience"."Mother's Day is a reminder of what you don't, or can't, have. You feel like you can't talk about it."She says people might feel distressed around this time, experiencing feelings of grief, sadness and even anger.Sign up to the ABC Lifestyle newsletterGet a mid-week boost and receive easy recipes, wellbeing ideas, and home and garden tips in your inbox every Wednesday. You’ll also receive a monthly newsletter of our best recipes.Your information is being handled in accordance with the ABC Privacy Collection Statement.Email addressSubscribeRomney Hamilton from Sydney/Gadigal Country had four cycles of IVF. She and her husband Glen lost a pregnancy on their first transfer.They made the decision to stop IVF in 2023."We were about to start our fifth round when my dad died," 40-year-old Romney says."The emotional toll and grief surrounding his death made it clear to me that I couldn't take on another round and that I wanted to get on with my life."Romney Hamilton and her husband decided to stop IVF after four rounds. (Supplied)She says their decision to "move forward" means their pain is often unseen on Mother's Day."The waves of grief from infertility come and go, but they are more apparent on days like Mother's Day and people forget so easily."Ms Dickinson says International Bereaved Mother's Day, held on the first Sunday in May, can help those who have experienced loss feel seen."It's an acknowledgement for families who have had pregnancy or child loss."Taking care when Mother's Day is hardPhoto shows An old film photo of Danielle Snelling and mum (Rosa); they wear white and smile to the camera.Seeing pictures and messages of people celebrating Mother's Day online can be difficult for those who have lost a mum or a child, are experiencing infertility, or have a strained relationship with their mum.'I'll be a mother by Mother's Day'For those who are trying to conceive, Ms Dickinson says Mother's Day is a milestone that can remind them they're "not there yet"."All of these major holidays or celebrations tend to mark another year or milestone of when someone expected they would be pregnant or have had a child."People do the 'I'll have a baby by Christmas', 'I'll have a baby by my birthday', 'I'll be a mother by Mother's Day', so when those milestones roll around and we're not there, it emphasises that in a very painful way."People may also experience pressure from family and friends, and intrusive questions about how their fertility journey is going.The grief of childlessness on Father's DayPhoto shows Michael Hughes sitting in a restaurant, smiling to the camera and clasping his hands together.Michael Hughes had always imagined being a dad, but it didn't eventuate for him. Father's Day is especially painful, as it was the day his wife had a miscarriage almost two decades ago.Taking care around this timeWhile managing your social media intake around Mother's Day to avoid displays of motherhood can be a good idea, Ms Highet suggests you might also find support online."Hearing of other people's stories can let people know they are not alone."Facebook support groups and other networks including World Childless Week and The Truth are some examples.Ms Dickinson says it's OK to set boundaries and let people know you might need to withdraw around this time."You may feel like you don't want to participate [in celebrations] to protect yourself."Romney says she is learning to cope, focusing on celebrating her mum and sister, while still acknowledging her own grief."We can be happy for other people but also sad for ourselves."Mother's Day is a beautiful celebration, but unless a person goes through loss and infertility, it's very hard to understand the depth of pain that comes with it."Alisha will be holidaying in France on Mother's Day."I even told my husband, 'Thank God I won't be here for Mother's Day'."I like it for other people, but at the same time I don't want people to say stupid things."Posted 34m ago34 minutes agoFri 9 May 2025 at 1:57amShare optionsCopy linkFacebookX (formerly Twitter)Top StoriesPM tells caucus to maintain 'laser-like' focus on voters, as dumped minister Ed Husic a no-showLIVEPhoto shows Anthony Albanese with two fists in the air.Australia's political conclave theatrics feel blokey, but the future is femaleAAnalysis by Annabel CrabbPhoto shows Sussan LeyErin Patterson took son on hour long drive despite feeling sick, murder trial hearsLIVEPhoto shows A digital drawing of Erin Patterson wearing a pink shirtAn energy giant 'drained' this householder's batteryTopic:Energy IndustryPhoto shows Man wearing baseball cap and khaki green t-shirt standing next to household Tesla batteryIn 10 minutes, Pope Leo XIV told us a lot about himself, and his agendaTopic:Religious LeadersPhoto shows Newly elected Pope Leo XIV looks up when appears on the balcony at the VaticanRelated stories'I just never met the right person': The many reasons for being childless not by choiceTopic:WomenPhoto shows Unidentified woman with blonde hair sitting on couch with a Jack Russell Terrier. 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